Sophie McCook

BBC Scriptwriter & Author of New Book Thinkless

Late at night. A group of media-types in the communications department of FIAC (Foire Internationale d’Art Contemporain). They’re exhausted. The coffee machine is broken. It looks like End of Days for the cashmere-hogging arthouse types. Gunther’s been taking the minutes on his Ipad. All day. Gunther: ‘So to recap. We’ve caused a media frenzy with …

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INT. WAR ROOM – DAY A room kitted out for constrained circumstances. It’s cold, damp, desperate. For all we know, this could be the stronghold for Stalingrad freedom fighters during WW2, because that’s what it looks like. Two men and a women sit huddled around a tiny stove with basic, raggy khaki blankets around their …

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It’s #edballsday over on Twitter and I’m starting to believe singularity is on the horizon. When Ed Balls typed his name as a ballsed-up Twitter update three years ago, everyone stared and shared, and all proportion was blown out of airlock. Every year since then it’s grown in size. The gaffe is no longer the …

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Bleeding Heart is a condition that normally effects liberals but in this case it’s an acquired illness that is being contracted (maybe) by the thing we thought was keeping the internet safe. It was accidentally uploaded by a code-monkey. All the other coders saw it and said ‘that looks tricky to unpick, I’ll let Ron/Jon/Don’ …

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According to the Clown International, (the organisation that registers official clowns officially. Yes, of course they need registering!), there are now fewer than 100 full-time ‘Creeping Lunatics Of Waking Nightmares’ in the UK. Times are tough, the maths behind clowning no longer adds up; jollity’s too tight to mention (in binary Clown language, too few …

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Uncoupling is what usually happens to caravans halfway up a hill in Wales. Consciousness is easy to stick to if you keep Gin off the shopping list. But ‘Conscious Uncoupling’ is something special. Gwyn made this new entymology up because it’s quicker than unpicking the neat stitching from around her ‘Own trumpet-honking domestic dictator’ brownie …

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So, these executives from the up-n-coming L.A clothing company, Wren, decide they want to appeal to a world wide audience. Exec 1 (let’s call him Claude. His mum was into martial arts) : ‘So, like, we’re after a 30-something audience. They’ll dig our bland, colourless clothing. I mean, it’s practical, hard wearing. What do we …

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A number of years ago, I was having one of my abortive meetings at the BBC regarding a promising script I’d written. The script was about a subject that the producer was (tbh) not that interested in. So we played a kind of verbal Ouija board, where he and I tried to agree on the …

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Today, like a grubby child waiting for the ice-cream van, I had some money clamped in my hand. I didn’t need to hand it over for another ten minutes but I had counted it, so it was ready for transaction and I didn’t want to put it down. Then a guilty little fear started to …

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Two weeks ago, we had a gale. Its promotors billed it as The Worst Gale for a While but really it was a common-in-garden gale. Poor Michael Fish was wheeled out for his community service (to incorrectly predict a super-massive roar when it turns out to be a narky bleat. One day Michael Fish will …

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