Sophie McCook

BBC Scriptwriter & Author of New Book Thinkless

Although history was at one time written by the victorious, these days (given motivation, technology and a heated brain) it’s just written by the people who really really want it to be so. And we don’t have the time for basic research, that stuff went out of fashion with washing clothes at the stream and reaping one’s harvest. Anyway, I read a recent report that confirmed that 75% of the developed world are now 150% more credulous and suggestible and will vacuum up any lie if it accords with their own very sketchy outlook.

So I am adding to the crap online.

I am a poor skier- a person who likes to ski but doesn’t have the resources or time to really do it. Anyone’s fourteen days in Aspen are my three random days on Cairgorm Mountain (Scotland’s premiere ski resort). The runs are short but the lifts are slow and for that reason I was able to get this entire story as well as some extra time for ‘any questions’. 

My co-liftee on the T-bar was a full-time skiing instructor; one who follows the snow from location to location around the globe. Exciting! He was Scottish so had returned to try out the slopes he started learning on. We quickly got on to the subject of the day, Trump and the new golf course in Aberdeenshire. I had no take on it except what an open joke it had become. My new friend had a story of his own to tell me….

Now – I admit that any information you glean on a very slow T-Bar in 40mile winds is likely to be riven with holes, and so I’m not saying any of the following is true. It’s what someone truly told me.

A number of years ago, this man had worked in a large American Ski resort (I can’t recall the name of it).  One day this instructor (can we call him Jeff? That’s definitely not his name but it’s easy to type.) Jeff allegedly spotted Donald Trump at the top of a busy slope, attired for a bit of skiing and in tow was a pretty young lady. Jeff was told this was Donald’s very new alleged girlfriend (again I have no idea which girl this is.)
The slope was quite a challenging one and a lot of skiers were either speeding past or preparing to. But the girlfriend was a complete novice, no previous skiing experience. She was struggling to get her feet in the bindings, and then she was struggling to stay upright. She fell a number of times. The way Jeff (an unreliable narrator I’m sure) told it, Trump was offering substantially less help to his wobbly, faun legged beloved every time she fell. Then after yet another fall and whimper, Trump turned with a loud “Fuck this Shit!” 

And skied away, down the slope, abandoning her.

*This is the only part of the story that I remember verbatim like a tape recorder. Jeff did what was a very good impression of someone like Trump saying “Fuck this Shit”! However, I am equally happy to be persuaded that those are three words Donald has never used either conjoined or separately.*

The instructor Jeff waited for someone, perhaps an aide, to step in but the lady was ignored by all around her. She was sitting on the snow crying. Jeff helped her up, straightened her and stemmed a few “I feel so pathetic”s. The weather was not great and Jeff wanted to get her down the hill so gently guided her, stopping every twenty metres. Jeff said “by the end she was doing OK, starting to link turns. I was very proud of her.” When we got to the bottom, she took off her skis, said Thank You and left.

This is a completely apocryphal story and I have no way of checking any of the details. I’m happy for it to be driven quickly in to the long grass for want of evidence. The best it can do is serve as a metaphor.
This is a man who can allegedly abandon his sweetheart; his wobbling, scared, vulnerable and humiliated girlfriend, the person he loves most in the world, to a snowy, windy mountain side, covered with strangers skiing at 60 miles per hour. 

In the UK we have our own problems, our politicians are trying to reboot the ‘Carry On…’ movie series (these are high brow film documentaries, showcasing the best of British life). But America (thank you TTIP) has its chubby little fingers in our till too. 
Those who are smitten with The Donald and who rally to his cause, and us who have to put up with the situation because Democracy; no matter how much he SAYS he loves you, that is just a ripple at the base of a tide of love he feels for himself. 

We are all, in effect, Donald’s girlfriends. And once you and he (and us) have metaphorically climbed to the top of that tricky, snowy mountain and you’re standing up there with him, all glowing and happy, and you turn and ask your beloved leader for help, he may well turn with a “Fuck this Shit!” and abandon you.


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