It’s #edballsday over on Twitter and I’m starting to believe singularity is on the horizon. When Ed Balls typed his name as a ballsed-up Twitter update three years ago, everyone stared and shared, and all proportion was blown out of airlock. Every year since then it’s grown in size. The gaffe is no longer the property of Ed, it’s us showing us we’re us laughing at us. Increasingly on the Internet, to be honest, it’s Me looking at Me being Me. That’s why they’re called Memes.
Just as typing google into google creates a black hole (by the way, anyone noticed that CERN has disappeared off the Map completely? And that local cafes now sell Black Hole Forest Gateau?) Ed Balls typing Ed Balls is another pin prick vacuum into which we’re apparently diving, whoopingly wearing a go pro.
I’ve had extensive chats with Malcolm Gladwell AND Ray Kursweil and they tell me it’s only a short step from taking a photo of your lunch, to a photo of your coffee. Ok so, most instagrammers were born in the 80s, when food was day-glo and ugly and coffee was not yet invented. But those photos of the toes of your shoes standing, pointing towards a pretty pile of….anything? I don’t need a photo of a pair of conker-coloured brogues by a natural arrangement of leaves and dog poo to tell me that We like Leaves and Artistic Poo. But next year the fad for taking a photo of a photo of your belly button will come online and then we’re all doomed. The tiny tear in the continuum will start in our navels and become an umbilical Möbius strip that will be impossible to escape from. The best we can hope for is that the battery in our Go-Pro will run out. Or our blogs are cancelled.
Hopefully this near stasis orbit we’re all about to enter will press some kind of restart in our brains. If not, we’ve left some room for all those creatures who’s thumbs are not opposing or keyboard compatible. The Orang-utans are pretty smart. While we nicked their forest, they’ve been honing their spear techniques. Our updates will start like this:
Lol cUt monkey threw stick, totes my nu belly piercing!
Meanwhile, enjoy Ed Balls day….