Sophie McCook

BBC Scriptwriter & Author of New Book Thinkless

So, these executives from the up-n-coming L.A clothing company, Wren, decide they want to appeal to a world wide audience.

Exec 1 (let’s call him Claude. His mum was into martial arts) : ‘So, like, we’re after a 30-something audience. They’ll dig our bland, colourless clothing. I mean, it’s practical, hard wearing. What do we need to do, to reach out to them?’

Exec 2 (he’s called Javier. Not his real name, he used to be a Budd): ‘Yes, we’re kinda like how The Gap used to be. We’ve got to ….close the gap.’

Execs 3 to 7: ‘Ooh. Close the gap.’

Claude: ‘and what do Gap wearing, 30 something guys want?’

Javier: ‘They want to be young again? They want to make out. All of the time.’

Claude: ‘Right. And Gap girls? Linda??’

Lone Female exec: (tentative) ‘Er, they want to live in an equitable society where their actions and words aren’t sexualised?’

Claude: ‘WRONG! They also want to make out!’

Execs mostly make agreement noises.

Javier: ‘So how do we close the gap?’

Claude: ‘Our next viral campaign will have lots of making out.’

Linda: ‘But…’

Javier: ‘I’ll call Lindsay Lohan’s agent!’

Claude: ‘No, wait! We’ve got to be subtle. It’s got to be cute…’

Javier: ‘Lindsay in bunny ears?’

Claude: ‘..thrilling, exciting. The joy of the first kiss.’

Exec 3. Mark (he’s in marketing): ‘Boss. It’s going to be hard being there on the ground for people’s actual first kiss.’

Claude: ‘Then we just get a bunch of strangers who kiss. Really, if you pay, they do.’

Javier: ‘And strangers kissing is kinda kinky.’

Claude: ‘YES! It’s what every ex-frat guy dreams of. Heck, who knows what the gals dream of. Linda?’

Linda: ‘This would be ok I guess if we had a true representation of the US demographic, so black as well as European…’

Claude: ‘No black! They didn’t wear The Gap, so they sure as hell won’t wear Wren.’

Linda: ‘Lesbian and Gay?’

Massed execs ‘Lesbian, lesbian!’

Claude: ‘And only gay if the guys are shy. We’ll stipulate in the contract that they should be too coy to kiss. A hug is fine.’

Linda: ‘What if the public notice our clothes are bland?’

Claude: ‘We’ll shoot it in black and white. They’ll never spot the pedestrian cuts or colors.’

Linda: ‘What if they don’t want to do it?’

Javier: ‘They’re gonna wanna? Aren’t they?’

Execs mumble.

Claude: ‘We’ll get a pop star in. Every girl wants to be a groupie right?’

Linda: ‘But that’s…’

Claude: ‘What’s the name of that band that everyone likes, on the Internet?’

Meeting concludes.

The film ‘Strangers Kiss’ gets 7 million hits in 24 hours.

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Categories: Blog

One thought on “Strangers Plugging

  1. David Newman says:

    That explains everything. Thanks!

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